For a couple of weeks now I have been realizing a struggle being exposed. This struggle is that I am not able to worship God in spirit and in truth. Well, I am asking God to search me within for that discovery that’s in the process of being made clearer.
I was sitting in the congregation a couple of weeks ago, on a Sunday morning when I heard a voice say don’t sing. All of sudden I felt angry, put my worshipping arms down and stopped singing. I did not know why I was angry. Then another voice came to me that said: sing. But I did not want to at this point and decided to listen to the first voice. All of a sudden that second voice said sing (again) because this is warfare. I then began to cry as I told that voice: No, I wont sing. My tears were tears of the struggle that was going on spiritually inside of me and spiritually outside of me. I could not see it but if I could, it would look like tug of war.
As I listened to the leaders singing the chorus of the song, the 2nd voice then started to sink in to my heart but I felt my unwillingness to do what was right, and I was angrier that I knew what was right and was not doing it. I was allowing this to happen. All I had to do was sing, but something was in the way-me. I started to just say the words that were being sung, because I wanted to break free from what was going on, but my flesh was submitting to the voice that made me feel justified in not doing so-the voice of anger. When I got home, I was able to sing, so I thought, the struggle was gone.
Now I thought that Sunday’s voice was just Sunday’s struggle, but that was not so. Whenever I gathered with God’s people I was feeling tension within me, followed by that first voice: The voice of division. Initially I submit to that voice and then feel the war all over again. My flesh wants one thing while the Spirit wants another.
Now, to get to the core of this issue that I have with God (because an issue with a brother is an issue with God), I must sit in His presence, listening as He brings to the surface the things that need to be seen.
I am on a mission to find out what is going on. Why am I feeling this way, and what am I going to do to change this. I think I have the ability to do so, and here’s why.
Pacing back and forth from my living room to my bathroom I kept asking the Lord for help, saying: God please, speak to me. Show me the things hidden in my heart. Give me your word. Help me understand what you say, so that I can change. Please Lord, help.
Psalm 18:6 “But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears.’’
My God came to me in and made His secrets known to me in the same way He made them known to Cain in Genesis 4.
When Cain was being confronted by God, he was told that he needed to Control the sin because it desired to master him. God had given Cain a way out but Cain was divided and chose to satisfy his anger. Cain allowed the sin to master him.
God knows us. He does not sugar coat the fact that we are capable of hating, even those of our same community. He addresses this by saying:
“If someone says, “I love God” but hates a Christian, brother or sister, that person is a liar. If we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” -1st John 4:20 (NLT).
What is hate? I feel like I have to find out in depth what everything means before I say: I don’t do that. Before I say, I don’t hate.
Hate: Feel intense (high degree) or passionate (strong feelings) dislike for someone.
Hate is such an ugly and ungodly word/thing, yet it is something that can be present in us, people who profess to be godly, and follow Christ.
Cain hated his brother; therefore his offering was not acceptable to God. Cain was a liar, and God is no fool. Cain’s offering was never a love one, but one out of duty. He gave something, possibly to say that he gave. But Able gave the best that he had, because it was not a loss for him. At this God accepted it.
Now the hate that Cain had confronting him, he allowed to come in. God spoke to Him and addressed his anger. He told him that sin was crouching at the door. The sin did not want to be detected that is why it crouched, but God exposed it. He warned him, that if he did not do what was right, sin was right there, not at sight of man, but clearly visible to God. Cain was able to be its master but it consumed him to the point that he soon after killed his brother.
“Don't sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent. Interlude (NLT)”
“Tremble, and do not sin; Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah. (NASB)”
The thought may occur that we would never do as Cain did because we don’t actually hate, and murder, we’re just angry. He must have evil. But out of love Jesus covered all things, even this thought. He protects us from our rational minds, teaching: “Anyone who hates another brother or sister is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don't have eternal life within them.” 1 John 3:15
Anger is very close to hate.
Anger is: having a strong feeling or showing annoyance, displeasure or hostility.
The reason I write this, is because anger is a very real feeling, and one that is not shameful to have, but one that needs to be looked into and addressed. Anger, hate, bitterness is usually a display of the issues in our hearts. And if Jesus said that we who hate are murderers at heart, then when we confront our brother or sister in Anger, what comes out may stab them. A knife from one heart to another, thus, hurt people hurt people. We kill them.
If we say that we love God but hate our brother than we are liars. It’s not that the feeling of loving God is a lie, but that we can’t do both. We may legitimately feel like we love God, but Cain legitimately felt like he was giving a good offering. Sin is always going to be low before us, waiting to trip us up, but God is always there to save us from it. “Where sin abounds, grace abounds”
The Holy Spirit, as God informed Cain, will let us know when sin is concealed because it will hinder the way that God is to be worshipped: in truth.
The way we will worship God in truth is to know the truth and be willing to obey it by moving far from being god. If Cain would have accepted the truth that was told him by God, he would have been accepted by God. God is for us; that is why He advises us. Now it’s up to us to take what He says and follow what He says.
With this, the struggle continues as I discover why I am angry, but I have a way to protect myself from sinning in the process, and that is to look at Cain not in judgment, but as an example of what pride leads to. Humility is key.
This Sunday morning I am glad to say that with the help of God I knew like, Mary in Luke 1:46-47, that I was praising Him with all that was within me. This was my act of repentance.
I was sitting in the congregation a couple of weeks ago, on a Sunday morning when I heard a voice say don’t sing. All of sudden I felt angry, put my worshipping arms down and stopped singing. I did not know why I was angry. Then another voice came to me that said: sing. But I did not want to at this point and decided to listen to the first voice. All of a sudden that second voice said sing (again) because this is warfare. I then began to cry as I told that voice: No, I wont sing. My tears were tears of the struggle that was going on spiritually inside of me and spiritually outside of me. I could not see it but if I could, it would look like tug of war.
As I listened to the leaders singing the chorus of the song, the 2nd voice then started to sink in to my heart but I felt my unwillingness to do what was right, and I was angrier that I knew what was right and was not doing it. I was allowing this to happen. All I had to do was sing, but something was in the way-me. I started to just say the words that were being sung, because I wanted to break free from what was going on, but my flesh was submitting to the voice that made me feel justified in not doing so-the voice of anger. When I got home, I was able to sing, so I thought, the struggle was gone.
Now I thought that Sunday’s voice was just Sunday’s struggle, but that was not so. Whenever I gathered with God’s people I was feeling tension within me, followed by that first voice: The voice of division. Initially I submit to that voice and then feel the war all over again. My flesh wants one thing while the Spirit wants another.
Now, to get to the core of this issue that I have with God (because an issue with a brother is an issue with God), I must sit in His presence, listening as He brings to the surface the things that need to be seen.
I am on a mission to find out what is going on. Why am I feeling this way, and what am I going to do to change this. I think I have the ability to do so, and here’s why.
Pacing back and forth from my living room to my bathroom I kept asking the Lord for help, saying: God please, speak to me. Show me the things hidden in my heart. Give me your word. Help me understand what you say, so that I can change. Please Lord, help.
Psalm 18:6 “But in my distress I cried out to the Lord; yes, I prayed to my God for help. He heard me from his sanctuary; my cry to him reached his ears.’’
My God came to me in and made His secrets known to me in the same way He made them known to Cain in Genesis 4.
When Cain was being confronted by God, he was told that he needed to Control the sin because it desired to master him. God had given Cain a way out but Cain was divided and chose to satisfy his anger. Cain allowed the sin to master him.
God knows us. He does not sugar coat the fact that we are capable of hating, even those of our same community. He addresses this by saying:
“If someone says, “I love God” but hates a Christian, brother or sister, that person is a liar. If we don’t love people we can see, how can we love God, whom we cannot see?” -1st John 4:20 (NLT).
What is hate? I feel like I have to find out in depth what everything means before I say: I don’t do that. Before I say, I don’t hate.
Hate: Feel intense (high degree) or passionate (strong feelings) dislike for someone.
Hate is such an ugly and ungodly word/thing, yet it is something that can be present in us, people who profess to be godly, and follow Christ.
Cain hated his brother; therefore his offering was not acceptable to God. Cain was a liar, and God is no fool. Cain’s offering was never a love one, but one out of duty. He gave something, possibly to say that he gave. But Able gave the best that he had, because it was not a loss for him. At this God accepted it.
Now the hate that Cain had confronting him, he allowed to come in. God spoke to Him and addressed his anger. He told him that sin was crouching at the door. The sin did not want to be detected that is why it crouched, but God exposed it. He warned him, that if he did not do what was right, sin was right there, not at sight of man, but clearly visible to God. Cain was able to be its master but it consumed him to the point that he soon after killed his brother.
“Don't sin by letting anger control you. Think about it overnight and remain silent. Interlude (NLT)”
“Tremble, and do not sin; Meditate in your heart upon your bed, and be still. Selah. (NASB)”
The thought may occur that we would never do as Cain did because we don’t actually hate, and murder, we’re just angry. He must have evil. But out of love Jesus covered all things, even this thought. He protects us from our rational minds, teaching: “Anyone who hates another brother or sister is really a murderer at heart. And you know that murderers don't have eternal life within them.” 1 John 3:15
Anger is very close to hate.
Anger is: having a strong feeling or showing annoyance, displeasure or hostility.
The reason I write this, is because anger is a very real feeling, and one that is not shameful to have, but one that needs to be looked into and addressed. Anger, hate, bitterness is usually a display of the issues in our hearts. And if Jesus said that we who hate are murderers at heart, then when we confront our brother or sister in Anger, what comes out may stab them. A knife from one heart to another, thus, hurt people hurt people. We kill them.
If we say that we love God but hate our brother than we are liars. It’s not that the feeling of loving God is a lie, but that we can’t do both. We may legitimately feel like we love God, but Cain legitimately felt like he was giving a good offering. Sin is always going to be low before us, waiting to trip us up, but God is always there to save us from it. “Where sin abounds, grace abounds”
The Holy Spirit, as God informed Cain, will let us know when sin is concealed because it will hinder the way that God is to be worshipped: in truth.
The way we will worship God in truth is to know the truth and be willing to obey it by moving far from being god. If Cain would have accepted the truth that was told him by God, he would have been accepted by God. God is for us; that is why He advises us. Now it’s up to us to take what He says and follow what He says.
With this, the struggle continues as I discover why I am angry, but I have a way to protect myself from sinning in the process, and that is to look at Cain not in judgment, but as an example of what pride leads to. Humility is key.
This Sunday morning I am glad to say that with the help of God I knew like, Mary in Luke 1:46-47, that I was praising Him with all that was within me. This was my act of repentance.
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