The neighbors above were stomping or moving heavy things across the room. This was happening at 4AM. In and out of a daze, I yelled "please stop, it's too early and people have jobs". It stopped and uneasily I drifted back into sleep. Felt light at first because something dropped on the bed. A cylinder type of shape...near my face. And when I looked up the ceiling was half opened. I was terrified at what they were doing up there. There was drilling that I must have zoned out and when I sat up in disbelief and decided to look up, a black doberman jumped down onto my bed and as he landed, and proceeded to the living room, he left a trail of flees. I tried to shoo them away by locking my room door after the dog ran off. Then i looked up and the ceiling was recently cemented. Then I laid my head down and a few minutes after that, I woke up. My morning was one sprinkled with anxiety and I couldn't shake it off so I decided to play ocean waves and set a 10 minute timer as I took deep breaths and drank my coffee. That helped.
I got ready for my day and took the train toward work. Rushing to beat the clock I transferred to the express train to get to work on time. I made it.
While I was walking in this morning, the street that I turn on was covered with police tape and the street was filled with police and ambulances. It was a scary sight. The police allowed me to cross the tape sealed my work place so that I could get to the office. I said good morning and took the elevator. I knew what had happened was not going to be a good thing since the street was eerily quiet. This at 9AM on a Monday, in manhattan. I got to the 6th floor of my building and looked out - since my office is facing the front.
What I am about to write/describe will be devastating and graphic. Death is involved.
There he laid. A body covered under a white sheet. A young man, probably in his 30's ended his life as he ran off of a 30 story building. He laid on the ground with a line of blood poured out from the top of the blanket. The police uncovered him and there he laid. No longer to be heard, or seen, or hugged or enjoyed, only missed and remembered.
This imagery was etched in my mind all the day long and quietness filled my inner being. I sobbed throughout the day, thinking what this man could have been experiencing to perform such an act. Today has changed me. I will not be the same, I can't be.
Life is fragile. People are fragile. I enter this season of waiting, not just for myself but also for those who live in agony hanging on to dear life for the coming of a savior...the 1st and the 2nd of the messiah.
Today as I wait, I wait in mourning.
Tonight I light a candle and embrace the flickering flame.
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